Monday, January 5, 2009

Ok, fan club..don't get so testy. I read all your comments on "where'd I go"??? Well, facebook, trip to Utah, work, and men are taking up my time. That's it. Oh, and trying to get a divorce... that takes time too. So, about my Utah trip. It was very nice and "tender"... Temple square was beautiful with all the lights. It made me think while I was out there. I seem to continually screw my life up. Well, I'm well intended..I just jump to things fast, like I'm running out of time. Ker- you know my entire history. Why do I leap into the fire again so fast?? Not so sure. Maybe it's remnants of what I didn't have as a child... So can I blame it on that?? Ok, not really. I have moved on. I don't have all the answers. Well, I don't bite my nails anymore. I've lost weight. I just might get to that teen weight soon. Positives in my life. Logan is still the most high maintenance kid alive. Apparently, the Lord knows I like a challenge. Jan, I still remember the tumor comment..it makes me laugh!! Lucy and Logan...they are challenges, aren't they? They need to meet when they are older.
So, this is just rambling. What am I really saying? Well, I've started to date...and it's not an easy process. Kids, jobs, divorce that is happening slowly. I just feel SO ready for happiness. I'm happier in many ways, and in others more stressed. I know i'm supposed to take time to "know myself." What is the consensus? I just don't know how I made it that long in a miserable marriage and I'm angry with myself.
Ok, you asked for it..so there are my thoughts of tonight.
maybe soon, my thoughts will make more sense..but you asked for it.

2 comments:

Janet said...

quit beating yourself up, girlfriend! there's no manual for where you are right now, but i'm pretty sure you know where to find answers that even your fan club can't answer. :)

Yes, Lucy and Logan should definitely meet...but maybe not as teenagers....lol

Kerry said...

Dor... you know the answers you need. Should you "find yourself"? Yeah, probably... but don't go nuts second guessing yourself, either! hmmm... started to type more, then decided maybe I'll send an email instead :-P Hee hee... look for it!